What I Wish I Could Tell You
by TiredSky
Summary: If this throat that can only work for breathing and transferring food to my stomach would say something out loud, I would say only carefully chosen, sensitive words. If you would allow me to say those words, I gladly would. But, if those two miracles happened, it wouldn't be like anyone would listen...
1. Chapter 1

What I Wish I Could Tell You

* * *

_I wish I could tell you, "Good morning," but it seems that I can't._

Hearing his twin walk down the stairs, Sawada Tsunayoshi sat up in his bed and stared at the door. Tatsuya talked to their mom, wondering what was for breakfast and Tsuna forced himself to get out of bed. Quickly pulling on his school uniform, he soon followed after his brother and arrived in the kitchen only to find that all his food wasn't there. Bearing his usual smirk, Tatsuya glanced over to Tsuna before taking another bite of scrambled egg. Pulling out his phone, he typed a quick message.

"_I'll be going now._" Tatsuya called out after his brother's retreating figure,

"Don't bother coming back, you stupid mute." Tsuna made no remark at his brother's cold words, and only left. Walking the usual, lonely road to school, Tsuna sighed through his nose. It was like this every day. He would wake up, Tatsuya would deliver some harsh words (harsh to others, but Tsuna had grown used to them), steal his food stolen, and Tsuna would leave for school. School was always the same routine too. Bullies would come after him for reasons unknown, the Disciplinary Committee prefect would growl at those "crowding", his lunch would be taken by whomever (usually Tatsuya), and the school day would end with him putting bandages on his own wounds. No words said, all the harm taken, another day ended.

_Nothing will ever change, will it? _Tsuna closed his eyes and sighed again before passing through the school gates. Upon seeing him, the laughter and now-meaningless words began.

"Look, it's No-Good Tsuna!"

"Haha, failed another test, you idiot?" Making no move to retort or cower (because there was nothing to be afraid of yet), Tsuna continued to his class in which he would spend until lunch, half attentive, half off somewhere in his own world. After the bell had rang, signaling the class to start talking and to bring out their lunch, very familiar hands slammed down onto the desk Tsuna was staring at.

"Hey idiot, give me your lunch. You're weak and it won't give you any strength, so hand it over." Nervously looking up at the kid (who frequently hurt him), Tsuna brought out his lunch to be taken. Luckily, the student was in a good mood, so the food was taken without a word and nothing more happened. Unluckily, a little later, he was taken to the roof to be bullied because, apparently, he was too close to Sasagawa Kyoko one time despite of his true statements of how he didn't care much for her.

_Ugh, really….. _Tsuna fell onto his bruised back and winced. _They're scary when they surround me and hit me, but when they're gone I feel absolutely no fear whatsoever. It's like, the lack of human presence rids me of any nervous and scared feelings and all I feel is negative, almost as like a bad after-taste of something. _Narrowing his eyes, he realized he couldn't get up (the feeling of just not feeling like doing so contributed to this problem). His legs, feeling sore and bruised from being kicked, had no strength in them at all, and his feet became numb (the pins and needles like TV static kind of numb) after all that not-moving. _It looks like I'm going to skip class then. _

It was as if the cheery blue sky riddled with clouds was mocking him. It was just like everyone else after all. Tsuna could almost hear its jeers now.

"Skipping out on class again, No-Good Tsuna? No wonder you're so stupid! You're useless at everything, so this makes no difference!" Laughter burst forwards as it delivered its final lines in Tatsuya's voice. "You're out of brains and any time to grow them!"

_**Shut up. **_Propping himself up, Tsuna glared at the sun meaninglessly before finding his shadow and almost happily putting his hand upon it. _You understand, right? Of course you do, you're my shadow. You always understand. Well, that's probably because you're not a living organism, but oh well. _Having revived the feeling in his legs, Tsuna stood and stretched. Any minute the bell would ring and he'd get the heck out of there before anyone found him and hurt him again for slacking or some weird excuse. Though, nowadays, you didn't have to beat up No-Good Tsuna to become cool. It was more like, if you were caught protecting him and you didn't have any real influence on others' thoughts (like you were scary or an overall good, popular person), you would be caught up in the pain of being bullied along with Tsuna.

It was an unsaid law of Namimori Middle.

Well, along with all those weird no-loitering laws made up by Hibari Kyoya, the most fearsome man (kid) in the school. He ran the Disciplinary Committee, and may God have mercy on your soul if he was in a bad mood and deemed you to be crowding in his school. In fact, Tsuna was in awe of how he hadn't been caught on the roof already. Sure, he got a fair share of his bruises and pain from Hibari, but he had been in good luck lately (that was new, and it caused him worry) and hadn't run into the monster.

And there went the bell. Grabbing his bag, Tsuna tried leaving the school invisibly, and surprisingly, all went well. He had only been bullied twice today which was odd, and this leaving easily thing made him upset. On the way home, he was tripped three times (two of the times was due to his own clumsiness), ran into a person once, and was consequently punched twice. As he held his bruising stomach and approached the door, his stomach rolled over once and he heard Tatsuya call from inside,

"Mom! Who's this kid?!" Tsuna decided he wanted to run away now, board a train going to anywhere and just _get out of there_. But still, he pulled out his key and unlocked the door, completely aware that something was going to happen suddenly. Something big was going to hit.

And like a train crash (the very train he wished to leave on this moment), his life would be changed forever.

* * *

A/N:Yeah, I'm going to try for a multi-chapter. Let's hope I don't fail horribly.


	2. Chapter 2

What I Wish I Could Tell You

* * *

_I wish I could tell you "The daily peace of our lives will end." but it seems that that will never happen._

Tsuna was horrified. Well, he was more of wanting to be horrified. A baby in a suit wearing a fedora was standing on the table and staring down his brother. Which wasn't exactly frightening, but the fact that it was happening was a little…. Well…. Odd. The baby looked over to Tsuna and smiled.

"Ciaossu. My name's Reborn." Tsuna bowed and when he stood back up, he quickly introduced himself with his cell phone.

"_Nice to meet you, I'm Sawada Tsunayoshi._" Reborn read the message and asked,

"Can you talk?" Tatsuya clicked his tongue and said,

"No, and it's a good thing he can't." Reborn glanced curiously at Tatsuya as Nana came into the room. "Mom, who is this kid?!"

"He's your new home tutor!" Tatsuya stood agape at his mother for a few seconds, and Tsuna took this as a great time to slip away upstairs. As he entered his room, Tatsuya began to argue with Reborn, who was obviously no normal baby.

_But can a child like that really be a tutor? And, a home tutor? He's gonna live with us from now on? _Tsuna sighed inwardly and tossed his bag onto his bed. Eventually, after lying on the floor for awhile, Tsuna heard Tatsuya enter his room, accompanied by the child.

"Really, if anyone here needs tutoring, it's not me!" Tatsuya grumbled.

"Don't complain, Stupid Tatsuya." Tsuna could imagine the face Tatsuya was making as he replied,

"Shut up, you can't tell me what to do! You're just a dumb baby who confused my idiot mother into believing you're some home tutor!"

"Have you learned any manners? **Never **insult your parents or elders." As soon as the click of a gun registered in Tsuna's mind, he was in Tatsuya's room, standing protectively in front of his younger brother. "What are you doing?" The gun lowered a centimeter and Tsuna pulled out his phone.

"_What are you trying to do?_"

"This is all part of his training."

"_You're a home tutor. The word you're looking for is studying, and quite frankly, shooting people isn't the way to go about doing that._" Reborn sighed and rose up his gun (which was an odd hue to neon green). He nodded towards the door, gesturing for Tsuna to leave, but Tsuna stood firm. Even if Reborn did shoot, no one would miss him and all would be fine (the kid would probably be satisfied with one kill and walk away). Reborn looked as if he was going to face-palm, but just said,

"I'm tutoring him to become a mafia boss." The room was silent, Tatsuya's jaw wide open and Reborn was smiling. "I should properly introduce myself. I'm Reborn, I'm a hitman who works for Vongola Nono and I've been sent here to train Sawada Tatsuya to become Vongola Decimo. Now," Before he could finish his sentence, Tsuna was thrown to the side and Tatsuya was greedily facing Reborn.

"You're going to make me into a mafia boss?!" Reborn nodded after taking a look at Tsuna, and Tsuna reluctantly accepted the invitation to leave and went back to his own room.

_Just don't do any permanent damage. _Hearing his brother doubt Reborn and Reborn reassure him, he almost smiled (he had forgotten how to do so), relieved that Tatsuya wasn't killed yet. He wouldn't be sure how his mother would react or how he would react. He was unpredictable; even he himself didn't know what he would be doing. One moment he would be fruitlessly trying to do homework, the next he would be trying to learn how Hibari Kyoya's mind worked.

Speaking of homework, he glanced warily at his backpack. No doubt he would fail every question on every subject, and his mind was already troubled by Reborn's "introduction", so why bother trying? Falling into a chair after grabbing his i-Pod from his desk, he distinguished the left from right and set it to shuffle.

_Ah, Idola Circus. Great choice. _Mouthing the words, the music invaded his brain and blocked out everything else. What little school work and what Reborn said earlier was lost. The tapping of his fingers, the smell of his mother cooking, the smack of…. A ruler? Was that it? Whatever the sound coming from his brother's room (probably the tutor getting Tatsuya to focus) was, Tatsuya's yelps of pain, everything was barely noticed and soon forgotten. The next song started, and Tsuna's hands immediately began to play the guitar chords (having memorized them but no guitar to play them on). He was soon mimicking the percussion on the desk when the sudden sound of something slamming against the wall brought him back to his senses.

"Shut up!" Tsuna quickly sat on his hands and heard Tatsuya mumble something about "that damn mute and his idiotic music" before getting scared by Reborn and returning to his work. Setting aside his mind's escape, Tsuna decided it would be better to start homework, get most of it wrong, and get scolded by the teacher than possibly getting a detention for not doing it.

Math, English, science, it was all no good. Nothing was understood, nothing was done. Laughing weakly within his brain, Tsuna settled his head down on the desk and scribbled lyrics on his English homework.

_Ah, no, I didn't hear that, newscaster, untangle this thread of limbs…. _Although his i-Pod was back on the desk, the music rushed back into his head and he closed his eyes, remembering every word of the song. Music always comforted him any time and allowed him to run away, even if it was just a short time.

"Tsu-kun! Tatsu-kun! Dinner is ready!" Grudgingly standing, Tsuna opened the door to leave only to be pushed back in.

"Don't even bother, stupid! Pretend you don't exist; this future mafia boss needs more strength! You don't get dinner tonight!" Reborn walked behind Tatsuya and looked up at Tsuna.

"Are you okay with that? I mean, he's your younger brother. He needs to show more respect." Tsuna just shrugged.

"_We're twins. There's no older or younger, and I have no courage to fight with him._" Reclosing the door, he suddenly remembered what Reborn had said.

_He's probably going to do something to Tatsuya and call it training. _Still unsure of the weird hitman/home tutor, he decided to work on math homework to think about something else. And he worked hard on it for about…. Oh, five minutes or so, before he gave up completely and answered every question with five. He didn't care. It wasn't like this one assignment would change his F to an A. Then, he tried studying for the science test, hoping a good ten minutes would at least help him get two more questions right (for a total of two out of ten!). The history homework was actually trashed for having too many rips in the middle from violently erasing. Tsuna wrote total bull-crap on the English homework because, hey, it wasn't like he was going to America or was going to talk to Americans any time soon.

_Whoopee, failing classes is so much fun. And there's no real subject I'm really good at! Yaayyyyyyy….. _Lying on his back (because his stomach was still in pain), Tsuna tried to make shapes out of the weird bumps in the ceiling. He pulled at individual fuzzies on the carpet. He freaked out upon seeing something under his bed, but relaxed when he realized it was only some discarded school book. He hit his head on the underside of the desk. He played the air guitar to more music. He pretended to howl along with the dogs outside. He made the worst jokes inside his head. In other words, Tsuna did what he did best. Yes, what he did best was….

Avoiding work and failing any work he did.

If that was tested in school, he would have the highest score out of everyone. When it came to procrastination, Tsuna was a pro. He could do nothing for hours straight. He could even avoid being picked on by people by not moving from his room all day, but he didn't wish to bother Nana with calls from the school about truancy.

_Your child was truant in periods one through seven…. _Tsuna mocked the school calls in his mind with the most annoying voice he could manage and made the mouth talking motion with his hands.

"What are you doing?" Tsuna was lucky he was already sitting in his chair with the back on the ground or he would have jumped a foot in the air, pissed himself, and fell down with the least grace anyone could manage. Reborn had somehow snuck in and was now checking the homework Tsuna had worked on for so long (haha). Well, considering he was a hitman, it would be easy to sneak in. Getting up, Tsuna took a good look at Reborn.

"_Are you really a hitman?_" Clicking his tongue at Tsuna's "attempts" to answer questions, Reborn turned to him.

"It would add to a bad reputation if a mafia boss had a brother who answered homework questions like this." Tsuna showed him the message again, but Reborn paid no attention to it. "And what's with your answers for the English homework? Do you think of school as a total joke to you?"

"_Yes._" Pulling a green hammer out of nowhere, Reborn threatened to hit Tsuna. But, Reborn was slightly surprised for a second. The second Reborn had reached back, Tsuna instantly had grabbed his backpack and was hiding behind it. "_A reflex I've developed from being bullied so many times. Now, go ahead. Hit me._"

"I'm afraid that would only give you more brain damage. I think I'll help you with studying too." With that, Reborn left to go "help" Tatsuya some more with work. Tsuna cautiously put down his backpack and mentally groaned.

_I knew it. This is the end for Tatsuya and me. We'll both die. How could Mom have let someone so insane into the house? _After a pause of mental silence, he shrugged his shoulders. _I'll worry about it when it comes. _

* * *

A/N: Sorry for not updating in a long while. Idola Circus and its lyrics belong to its producer, Neru.


	3. Chapter 3

What I Wish I Could Tell You

* * *

_I wish I could tell you, "Be careful and watch your back." but there's someone else to say that._

Tsuna wished he had woken to the sound of his alarm like any other day. But no, the addition of a baby home tutor into the house had changed that. What he woken to instead was an explosion coming from his brother's room.

"Wake up, Stupid Tatsuya. You're not being late to school today." As a string of colorful language found its way out of Tatsuya's mouth, Tsuna got out of bed and yawned. After wiping away those weird tears you get after yawning, he found himself getting ready for school and soon stumbling out his room.

"Good morning, Tsu-kun. Aren't they lively this morning?" Nana smiled and continued to cook. Mentally sighing at his mother's silliness, Tsuna sat down. Even after eating his own food for once (which was a feat he was extremely proud of for some odd reason), Tatsuya was still arguing with Reborn. Tapping Nana on the shoulder, he flashed a message at her.

"_Thanks for the food." _Pausing at the bottom of the stairs for a moment, Tsuna left wondering why Tatsuya hadn't left yet.

_I mean, the whole reason he was woke up with an explosion was so he wouldn't be late to school, right? _Shrugging it off, he stopped pondering the matter and switched over to a much more important topic. _I want to save up for a guitar. But, even if I'm able to, should I get an acoustic or electric? _As he continued walking, various music related topics ran through his head, causing him to forget this morning's incident completely. Well, nearly because the second he arrived at class and sat down, the door slammed open, giving a view of an exhausted Tatsuya, with Reborn still sitting on his shoulder. _How did Reborn stay there? _Panting, Tatsuya stomped over to Tsuna's desk and managed to say,

"You're gonna take care of this kid. Got it?!" Although this was clearly not arranged, Reborn jumped off his ride and onto Tsuna's desk. Sitting straight up and awkwardly, Tsuna began to hear the murmuring start.

"Who's that baby?"

"Their younger brother, possibly?"

"He looks nothing like them though…."

"The real problem is why Tatsuya would bring him to school!"

"Yeah, what if Hibari finds out?" Tsuna slowly backed up into the back of his chair, trying to get away from the "hitman" as politely as possible. It wasn't that he was trying to not be associated with the kid (it was too late anyway), or that he was afraid of him, it was simply that this particular baby creeped him out. It was like his large black eyes could find a way into your soul and somehow take control of it or rip it into a million pieces. His smirk depicted confidence and courage.

_A baby shouldn't have confidence or courage! Hell, he should be in diapers and a crib! Go back to sucking your thumb you little… _Cut off mid-thought by Reborn making and holding eye contact with him, Tsuna wanted to hide in the bathroom. _I shouldn't have done that. He can probably read minds. _

"I'm going to go look around." Snapping Tsuna out of his thoughts, Reborn calmly jumped down and left the room, just in time for the teacher to miss him and start class. Blandly and mindlessly going through class as usual, Tsuna's mind wandered over to what Reborn was doing.

_Sure, he said he was going to look around, but is that all he's really doing? I just can't really trust him…._

"I'm going to pass out the test results now." Multiple groans were emitted from multiple students around the room.

_He's just a child, but he's so crazy….What does he think of this school? What does he think of this class?_

"Sawada Tsunayoshi." Still trapped in his thoughts, Tsuna received his test and some criticism, nodded his understanding, and sat back down. "Yamamoto Takeshi. I know you could have done much better." Yamamoto laughed as he took his test and sat back down.

_Yamamoto Takeshi… He's good at sports, popular with women, friendly to guys, and from what I've heard, he works at his dad's sushi place. If Reborn wanted a mafia boss, he could have gone with this guy. He would probably be a better choice than Tatsuya. Actually, there are a lot of people that would fit a boss position than Tatsuya. For example, the ever-fearsome prefect, Hibari Kyoya… He's strong, and he could easily control people with his fear…. _As a list of examples ran through his head, the period soon ended and the between-class break began.

"Man, I can't believe you almost got the same score as No-Good Tsuna!"

"Haha, I guess I was so busy with baseball I forgot to study!"

"As usual, huh?" Tsuna could feel their looks turning towards him, wondering what kind of insults they were going to spout now.

"But No-Good Tsuna doesn't have an excuse!" Of course, nothing new.

"I could make up a few for him. For example, studying wasn't going to do any good, he has an allergic reaction to textbooks…" Tsuna fully expected Yamamoto to join in with their laughter, as he was just a laughing machine basically, but he was quiet.

"Hmm, but is he really that stupid…?" Those words slammed into Tsuna like a huge truck, unable to stop at a red light.

_Of course I'm that stupid! I tried studying but I didn't get any of it! Heck, I didn't even try to study! I knew it wasn't going to work! What is he…? _Yamamoto's friends asked him what he was thinking but the answer wasn't given.

"Okay everyone, sit down. Class is starting." Yamamoto's question still coursing through his head like a flooding river, Tsuna spent most of the class mulling around in a dark, humid, muddy corner of his mind, wondering what could have possibly caused that sentence to pop out of Yamamoto's mouth. Yamamoto was that kind of guy though. Someone could be dangling him off a cliff and he would think of them as a nice, funny person and ask what kind of game they were playing.

In other words, he was ignorant.

_The only time he's ever serious is when he's playing baseball. Otherwise, he's just smiling and laughing. There's no difference in his attitude during class, which is actually pretty boring. Even if you're a cool guy, if you are constantly one emotion, certain people will become uninterested. But, I guess I'm not really in a position to say that while wishing I could become more like you. _Distracted by his thoughts, Tsuna didn't notice the stare boring into his back.


End file.
